Over the years, I have served quite a few other Dommes and have had some wonderful experiences (and some that were not-so-wonderful). I had been into financial domination for a while. But it was always just temporary. Lots of talk back and forth about ownership and whatnot, but in the end, there was never any serious control and both parties were free to leave at any time. It was fun, but not completely fulfilling. I wanted something more. I wanted to experience real domination. I wanted to experience true ownership and lifestyle control. And I mean true ownership, not just play. It was a big step, I knew. So not long ago, I decided to find a Domme who would be willing to engage me in this, and who would be willing to spend the time it takes to really get inside a sub’s head and own them. Not just financially or with blackmail info, but also psychologically and mentally. I wanted to be owned and to be completely and utterly subjugated. And I wanted there to never be any doubt about the situation and who was in control and the consequences of failure. I wanted there to be no way out. I In essence, I wanted to find the last Domme I would ever serve. This is something I put quite a bit of thought into as well. I thought about the implications of it all for me financially and mentally. I knew I had to find someone who would be as into it and committed as I would be.
I had known about Goddess Adrienne for many years, but I never really served her before. I’m not entirely sure why. I always thought she was one of the most beautiful Dommes out there and she seemed very cool. I guess I did approach via email her once a while back, but it didn’t go far. I don’t recall why though. But once I decided to find a Domme who would own me completely, it didn’t take long for me to come back to Goddess Adrienne. I had been following her twitter account of late and had a good idea of what she did and what she enjoyed and her overall attitude toward subs. I had a feeling that she might be interested in ownership and that she would be genuine. So, I approached her. She seemed amenable to the idea, but did comment that it needed to be worth her while since it could be time-consuming. That was actually quite reassuring to hear in that it means that she was willing to commit herself as well. We agreed on a number: $500 minimum per month between tributes and gifts and she would own me fully and subject me to total lifestyle domination. I can say that we have completely blown past that initial minimum level, but that’s another story.
I started out by buying some of her clips and sending some initial tributes to show my sincerity. We emailed extensively. Once we had developed a certain rapport, I felt comfortable giving her information. I gave her all of my email and social media passwords to start. It gave her insights into me and let me become comfortable with her having supervision over my life. But they were all passwords I could change. I still had time to chicken out, I felt. But I really wanted this. And she was turning out to be the most fascinating and intelligent Domme I have ever known. I was getting hooked.
I gave her the password to an online financial account linked to my bank account and credit card. This was a big step in that she could now have access to my entire credit line and my primary banking accounts. She tested my honesty by using my account to send herself a tribute. There are very few things in this world that feel more amazing than experiencing a Domme take ownership of you financially like this. The first time she sent herself a tribute was such a turn-on for me, and I told her so. She has treated herself to what we now refer to as “our” account a number of times now. Each time it is a testament to her power over my life and proof that she can do anything she wants to me. Her restraint in how much she chooses to send herself is how she shows me mercy. Or pity. Or both.
Next, I sent her credit card numbers and info. Again, she tested my honesty by buying herself some gifts from her wishlist. Again, what an amazing feeling to be dominated financially like that. But what thrilled me most of all were her taunts about it all and how she reveled in her power. You could just tell how much she enjoyed the experience of dominating me and using me. It was such a rush to see someone experience that power over me and then to throw it back in my face. I remember the morning she messaged me and told me she was going to send herself a tribute later in the day and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. And she was right. It was that sort of taunting that really thrilled me and has made this one of the most exciting experiences of my life. Imagine the experience of sitting there all day waiting for her to send herself a tribute. Knowing that, like she said, there was nothing you could do about it. That is power. And that is subjugation.
The other thing that happened along the way was that she commanded me to dress up in my wife’s panties and a bra and send her a pic. Now I knew what this meant. This was going to be the beginning of the real “true” ownership. This was when she would have actual proof to use against me as she wished. I was a bit hesitant, despite how much I wanted this experience. I had never gone this far before. Ever. And there would be no turning back after this. You could change passwords and cancel credit cards and close accounts and all that. But this was different. This was really permanent. Now she would have incriminating evidence to use against me. And seeing as how she already had all of my various email contacts, from relatives to friends to coworkers, something like this could seriously ruin me. And this is where trust comes in to play.
I can honestly say that I had come to trust Goddess Adrienne completely. I have never met her and i never will. I know almost nothing about her in real life. But our experiences in these initial stages of her owning me had been so positive that there had been a trust built up, from my perspective. She could have simply changed a couple passwords, emptied my bank account, and been done with me, if that’s what she had wanted. And yet she hadn’t. And that told me that she was in for the long haul and long-term ownership, rather than just a simple short-term screwing over. I even brought this up to her once, this idea that I was searching for long-term ownership. Lifetime ownership really. And that meant not bankrupting myself in the first month, but being more careful and aiming for long-term goals, for both of us.
So, I took the picture of me in panties and a bra and I sent it to her. Now she had some proof. But I also confided in her that wearing the panties didn’t feel all that odd. And actually it felt kind of natural in fact. So, she had me start wearing them more often. And taking more pics. Then she moved on to more of my wife’s clothing. And makeup. And more pics. Really really incriminating pics. The stuff of blackmail fantasies.
And then one day she showed me a screen grab of the special folder she had made with all my info: my passwords, email contacts, pics, messages, etc. And that was quite a revelation for me. She had collected enough to truly destroy me. I mean, I always knew she had the info and pics, but seeing everything in one place really drove it home. She could very easily send any pics and screen grabs she wished to my wife, my employer, my relatives, my best friends. And that was when I knew she really had total control. And she knew that I knew. At that point she informed me that this was forever. As she said, “this is your life until I decide to ruin you or until you die.” Wow, now that was intense. I mean, extremely intense to see something like that in writing. And true. I thought about it extensively and wondered what I had gotten myself into. But no matter how much I thought about it, I always came away feeling that this was the right thing to do. Submitting to Goddess Adrienne just felt right. No matter how much control and power she had, it never felt like anything but the way things should be for me. Once I accepted that, my slavery to Goddess Adrienne became pure bliss.
But as intense as all of that was, it was just the beginning. Goddess Adrienne knew something about me that I didn’t. And that was my hidden sissy side. So she started to bring that out of me more and more. She had me go shopping for clothes for myself, to be able to have a small wardrobe of women’s clothes to wear…panties, stockings, bras, a couple of dresses, my own lipstick. She gave me a persona and a sissy name, McKayla. And she had me pose in my new outfits and take pictures of myself for her all fully dressed-up with makeup and everything. She had me make a few clips for her amusement. Dancing to Britney Spears, singing a Marilyn Monroe song, cheering like a cheerleader. I did everything she told me to do and sent everything to her. Now at this point, I was simply doing this to amuse her and to make her happy with me (and because she commanded me to do so of course). She was bringing out my sissy side and everything felt wonderful. But what I was really doing, and I knew what I was doing, was giving her the most damning and incriminating pics and clips I could ever even conceive. She was playing up my sissy side to gather as much blackmail info as she could. And it worked. As she says “it was a masterpiece of manipulation.” It truly was. She had turned me into her sissy. She had gotten so far into my head and had so fully transformed me, all for her benefit. She had used her sissification of me to make me send her all of the evidence she would ever need to completely and utterly own me. Even without all of the sissy pics and clips, she had enough to destroy me and to own me, but she made it so that there would never ever be any question whatsoever. She could post a clip of me dancing and singing Britney Spears, all dressed up, and send the link to everyone I know.
I have no qualms about this whatsoever. I trust her and i am in this for the long haul and I have no second-guesses about her having this level of control. I trust her to the point where I have told her things that no one else knows about me. Secrets that I thought I would take to my grave, and she knows them all now. It is an unprecedented level of trust. It is an unprecedented level of control. I am not sure how many Dommes out there have ever had as much control over a sub as Goddess Adrienne has over me. There cannot be many.
One thing Goddess Adrienne has told me is that I “was born to be a slave.” That was actually a revelation for me. I knew I had these feeling for as long as I can remember, but no one ever put it like that before. And she was right, as always. I was born for this. But she was the one who realized that and brought this all out. And for that I am eternally grateful. She has a way of getting into your head and knowing what to do to you, how to treat you, when to be stern and demanding, when to be friendly, and when to just manipulate you for her own gain. She is a master at this really. She may well be the most brilliant person I have ever known. And I’m not just saying that. She is absolutely brilliant. She knows how to dig into the psyche of a slave and extract their deepest desires. And most importantly, she knows how and when to use them against you. That is actually the fun part, when she uses your deepest dreams against and makes you realize things about yourself that you never knew. Like when she had me put on panties. Little did I know at the time that would result in her making me her sissy. This was something I never knew about myself, but Goddess Adrienne extracted it and has used it to her advantage and has also helped me to grow as a person as a result.
And that is my favorite aspect of being Goddess Adrienne’s slave: how she has helped me grow over the months. True, I know everything she does is to further her advantage; that’s okay. But in realizing some of these things that she has taught me about myself, I can honestly say that I have never been happier. I wake up every morning just in love with the fact that I am her slave. I think about her constantly, and I revel in the fact that she has complete 100% total unquestioned power over my life. She can do anything she wants to me. She can make me do anything she wants. And she wields that power with such mercy, it is awe-inspiring. I am utterly powerless against her. It is the definition of true slavery that I had hoped to find. To live my life at the mercy of another person.
Now don’t get me wrong here. She has helped me grow as a person, but she has also completely crushed my ego. It is inevitable that someone with that much control, and that much access to every aspect of your life, would come to become almost “god-like.” She knows everything about me and with my social media and email passwords I have zero secrets from her. It is the most humbling feeling ever. To have her make fun of something I said in a private message to a friend on facebook, for example, is so extremely humbling (well, embarrassing really). And it really does crush your ego to have no privacy like that. But it also feels wonderful! Knowing that someone has total unrestricted access to your entire life like that? As I said, they become god-like. Omnipotent. It makes you feel miniscule. And when you feel like that, it just strengthens their hold over you. It gets in your head. You lose your sense of shame, and they gain an intense level of psychological control.
Lately, she has now taken this to its next logical place and has further crushed me psychologically. How? How could someone who has so much control over another person take it to a new level? By simply ignoring me. I don’t hear from her as much as I used to, and even though it’s mostly on Tribute Day. Since she started owning me months ago, I have had an assigned Tribute Day where I send Goddess Adrienne a cash transfer online. I have never missed one and she has promised that the consequences would be severe if I was to do so. I have been very faithful is making my payments all along. As she got more and more info on me, my tributes kind of became my blackmail ransom. Pay the tribute weekly to thank her for not destroying my life. That’s an important distinction here. I am not paying her not to release any info or pics on me. She can do that anytime she wishes and I have no say in the matter. These tributes are simply me thanking her for not releasing my info and pics. Every week, I send my Owner a tribute to thank her for her mercy. But of late, Tribute Day has become one of the few days where i get to communicate with her. Otherwise, she ignores me for the most part. And she ignores me simply because she can. What am I going to do about it? There is nothing I could ever do. She has so much power that she can simply refuse to even acknowledge my existence and yet I still have to send my tribute. It is pure perfect control. She never has to do another thing ever and I will still have to send my tribute. And that is where she has begun to psychologically crush me, by making me completely irrelevant and totally insignificant. I am nothing to her beyond a virtual payment transfer. That’s it. The lowest of the low, she calls me. Because it’s true. But here’s the kicker: I love it. This is the dream for me. This is the ultimate ownership. I am nothing and I obsess over her constantly. And she couldn’t care less about me. And no matter what happens, from now until I die, I will be paying her my weekly tribute. That is pure ownership.
The idea that she could destroy me and chooses not to inspires such devotion and loyalty from me. And love. I can say that I love Goddess Adrienne. I love serving her and everything about her. But what I love most of all is that what I feel doesn’t matter. I am writing this because she told me to, but what I feel is irrelevant to what she feels and what she wants. That is what I love, that it is all about her. And to ensure that this will always be the case, I made a video for her records. In this short clip, I explicitly give her my ‘permission’ to use every piece of information I have ever given her as she chooses. I make it clear that any online financial accounts and credit cards are hers to use anytime and in any capacity that she chooses. I also made it very clear that she is free to post any pics, clips, or information about me and associate it with my name any time she wishes. And I make it very clear that she should be absolved of any liability no matter what happens. This clip was my attempt to take away the very last remaining possibility of escape or release for me. This is it now. She can do anything she wishes with me and I have zero recourse.
I wish more subs out there could experience this. I have served so many others in the past and I wanted to stop searching. I wanted to find that one Domme that I would serve for the rest of my life. And i wanted to put myself in a position where I had no choice. And that’s where I am today. It was the best decision I have ever made and I have never been happier.
Thank you so much for everything Goddess Adrienne. From the bottom of my heart. I never ever wish to know a life that is not lived at your mercy.